Beginning is the hardest part... then maybe the waiting.

Dear Lord,
My ears are ringing and I am tired. It has been a long few days with sickness that has plagued my home and the baby with h1N1. But I am reminded as she takes each shallow and weak breath that she is yours. We dedicated her to you for your doing. In the paper today, there was story of a two year old boy whom they buried with his binkie and yellow blanket who has gone to heaven because of this same H1N1 virus could not be conquered by his body. Please comfort his family ... let this be a way to become closer to you. The death of a child rips some families apart, but let this event be a turning place for them; a chance for santification for them to turn everything over to you now that you have taken the one thing they couldn't bare to lose. Thank you for not taking our children. My husband said that is his biggest fear. It is mine as well. I am quick to say, "Why do I have all these damn kids?" But I say it in gest because the worst thing I can imagine is to lose one or all of them. I want so badly for them to grow into your disciples, missionaries, word bearers. Although they are yours the anguish of grief would cripple me more than these last five days of idleness while the baby healed. As I watched her sleep today I saw her binkie and striped blanket and am praising you for her health. You are the healer. She takes each breath deeper and more clearly because of your touch. I believe you have disappated the virus into places that are unseen to me. I belive you have given us a vaccine that will keep us healthier this season so we can do the things of your will. We want to be on the frontlines of you army fighting for your good, but we must take care of our earthly bodies to be most effective. Protect us from further illness, heal the parts of us that are still diseased, and streghten our immune system which you created in all perfectness. Give us a fever for you. Create a fire inside of us that gives us the desire for your medicine. Bring us to tears for the pain of being away from you. Make us weak so we will depend on only you. Bring us to our knees so we will only be able to pray. You are the healer.

Heal my friend N as well. I beg for mercy from her anguish. I only know of the small pain she feels from the grief of the loss of her husband. She is a great servant and I know she will use this circumstance for You. But please comfort her in those ambushes of overwhelming saddness and I pray that those moments are brief and beneficial. Purging her of the saddness. Give her happy memories and surround her with people who love her. Continue to orchstrate the momentos and literature she needs to continue on her grief journey. Her husband is irreplaceable by anyone but you. Fill the void of her empty heart with your Spirit.

My mother. I am not ready to tackle all of that, but please keep her at the forefront of my prayers.

My husband. He is a great warrior who needs strenght and guidance for our family, our church, our community, and our schools. I know he is a willing man; lead him to be eccentric and to live like no other so that we can live like no other. He is my complimentary half and I need him to lead. You are the vertical axis of our life and we are the horizontal. Let our line continue in eternity as long as yours. Our family will be a power house for you but my husband will be our coach, guide, directory, leader, pastor, principal, president, coordinator, and lord. Give him the direction you want, speak it clearly and provide the tools he needs. Give us doubts and the ambition to follow You. We are willing disciples.

R is my blessing. Thank you for sending such a wonderful spirital counselor and women who is not only delightful and encouraging but a loyal servant for You. She is a great strength in my day and she pushes me to be a better person. Thank you for sending her and clearly selecting her to be our choice for the community I work in. She is a saving grace in my daily work life and I praise you for the gift of wonderful mentors.

Please be with P and her family during her trip. She needs you to turn her inside out. Calm the story seas that surround her and allow her family to walk on the waters because of the faith they should have in you. I am unsure of her heart but I know that you love her dearly. Let me be a witness of the greatness of You by living the life of Christ. Paint him on my daily life. Allow me to be graceful and to not be swept away by the negative world which surrounds me. Hold my tongue and filter my words when I am speaker of and to her. Keep her at the front of my mission at work. She needs you and work through me to show her that love. Give me a the sympathy that I need to help her through this moment.

Help me through tonight and tomorrow. bring me back to pray again soon. I need this discipline for I believe that I am the change I want in the world but you are the only Way.